THE BLOG OF HARRY POTTER
by Zoerawrr
Summary: What EXACTLY is Harry thinking? Find out in his personal blog. If you get all picky about time differences and things, then read this with an open mind. IMAGINE Harry has access to the internet and can use it at Hogwarts. And write a blog. Awsomely Funny.
1. LMFAO

**Blog of Harry Potter!!!!!**

**Hi everybody! Just thought I'd write this coz I'm so bored. I cant be arsed to revise for my SATs (which are in like 18 days XO omg) so I thought I'd write this. You may reckognise the idea from McAwesome, who did Voldemort's blog, but I asked to use it, but I didn't get a reply. Oh well, it weren't copyrighted, I can have it if I want. Oh yeah, I COPYRIGHT THIS HP BLOG AS MINE! You can't stop me! MUHAHAHA- chokes. Oh crap, there goes my liver… Enjoy.**

**Oh, and, before I forget, I'm starting this blog as the Harry Potter books begin. Just imagine that he had access to a computer to write these things.**

HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG-HPBLOG

**MOOD: **HTH SHOULD I KNOW?!

**ENTRY:** OMFG, I h8 the zoo! No seriously, I do. How is it my fault that window vanished?! Jesus! Ok, maybe I should start at the beginnin. I'm Harry. I liv wive my aunt Petunia, my uncle Vernon, and my cusin Dudley. I'm 10 rite now, but I'll be 11 in a month. WOOP WOOP! Lol. It's my cousins birthday 2day so we went to the zoo, and we was in the reptile place thingy, and my cousin fell right into the Boa Constrictor cage, tank thingy! LMAO! It was so funny! Until I got blamed (TT). NOW I GOTTA STAY IN THIS GODDAM CUPBOARD FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!!!!

Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention that I live in the cupboard? Another reason to hate the Dorks- I mean Dursleys. I mean, you should see Dudley! Petunia calls him her lil cherub. I call him a pig in a wig! I'd better not describe him any more, I might just HURL! Oops, too late, lol, lool, loool, lmao, rotf, lmao, RAOTFLMAO! Oops, got a bit carried away.

U may b wondrin y I dont liv wive my parents. Well, u can stop wondrin now, coz I ain't gonna tell ya. MONKEY FACE! OOOH OOOH AAAH!

Great, now I'm bored. Boredom is very boring. If I was anymore bored, I'd be at school. Which reminds me, I have one week left at primary school. –sighs-. Then it's off to stonewall High, the local Comp. –cries-. I have a feeling in my gut that something bad will happen. –dies-. Oh, wait. That was from Dudley when he punched me earlier. He's such a bas- I mean BAD MAN!

Oh, yeah. Why do I keep forgetting important stuff? Anyway, I was talking to a snake earlier. It was just before the glass disappeared LOL. PIG IN A WIG IN A DRIP! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don't talk to the looooooooony bin just yet. I'm not like this usually you know. I'm always quiet. Actually, if you think about it, I'm quiet here 'n all. COZ YOU CAN'T HEAR THRU COMPUTERS YOU GAYTARD!

I'm bored. Oh crap, I gotta go. That bloody woman is poundin on my door. SHUT UP, HORSE FACE!

C U L8r, gaytards!

Harry 

**COMMENTS:**

**BetterThanYou'llEverBe!: **I'M TELLIN MUM WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT ME! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!

**PolkissPalava: **good god, man, I alwys new u was a freek, but now you shoved it on TEH INTERNET! Culd u b N E FICKER? I cant wait til D gets hold o' ya.

**HGbookreader: **Oh, dear, Harry! Your life looks positively awful! You should call NSPCC immediately! They'd put a stop to it! Please let me know how it goes!

**SUPER-FERRET: **sorry 'bout your deal mate. God, if you knew my brothers, they'd put a stop to it. You remind me of someone my dad told me about. I know what you mean about boredom.

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **Please, fret no longer! Something in my blood tells me your troubles will soon be at an end. Remember Harry, and never forget this, Love is Pure.

**REPLIES:**

To: **BetterThanYou'llEverBe!:** do I hear a pig screeching, oh, its just dudders! You really think I'm scard of ure mum?! Or you, for that matter…? That's it dudders, trot away…

To: **PolkissPalava: **culd you not think of a betr name? ure so gay. Yes I could be thicker, I hoven't reached your IQ yet. Oh, and then there's DUDDERS'!

To: **HGbookreader: **is it relly any of yor bisness? Thought not. Really, thx for ur concern, but make like a tree.

To: **SUPER-FERRET: **god, you're the most sain person whose commented. It ain't that bad once u get used to it. your bros sound cool.

To: **Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **Love is pure? Wtf r u on mate? Omg, I twigged it… GAY PEODO! ARGH! OMG, GET AWAY FRM ME! AAAAARGH! -runs off screaming- -then comes back to press enter -

**So, what do you think? It's really gay at the moment, and there won't be loads per actual books. I was just bored. And for those of you who've read my other HP story, I have to tell you I'm changing the content slightly. It seems so un-Hogwarts-ish. If you review, try and guess who the commenters are. I think they're all obvious…**

**PLEASE R+R!!!!! Oh yeah, hi mum! I'M ON THE COMPUTER!**


	2. NARG

**I happen to know exactly how many people actually read my story, yet only one person reviewed! Thanx eyes of a wolf! Anyway, next blog.**

**MOOD: **HACKED OFF

**ENTRY: **OMG, that son of a bit—I mean gun, uncle Vernon, is nicking ALL MY POST! CHEEK OF IT! I'm sure that's not legal. I'm so angry with him! ALL MY LETTERS! They was weird 'n all. They had my cupboard on them. And, like, a couple of days ago, loads of them came down the chimney and through the letterbox which was actually boarded up LOL. But I still didn't get one. OMG I am retarded. All those letters and I couldn't grab one and stuff it in my pocket!

So big V told us to pack up and get in the car. Oh yeah and LMAO dudders got whacked with his Smeltings stick (they come with the uniform). LOL the stick bounced off him. Vernon hit him with it coz he tried packing his TV! What a gaytard.

So, yeah. I'm in a hotel now and the guy sending me letters found me, coz apparently there's a hundred at the desk for me. AND VERNON NICKED THEM! Surely he can't eat them all. Oh no. he's telling us to get in the car. I wonder if he noticed I— I mean SOMEONE died his moustache pink last night. LOL, he looks like he just tried to blow a bubble from bubblegum and it popped. Petunia is tryin not to laugh. I guess she hasn't noticed that SOMEONE drew a beard and moustache on her face last night with a permanent marker.

Now he's honking the horn to get me in the car. Well, he'll have to wait. Oops, he's out of the car now stomping in to get me. God, Vernon don't make an earthquake. Hmmm, I wonder what happens if you put nitro glycerine in cheese and the put it in the microwave?

OMFG HE'S BEHIND ME! POST BLOG YOU HOMOSEXUAL PIECE OF CRAP! I mean silly computer…

**COMMENTS:**

**BetterThanYou'llEverBe: **that stick hurts you know! I'm not happy with you makin fun of me. Geez, your such a bar steward. Even skinny little runts like you could work that out.

**ZoCoLoCo: **LOOL; hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, ur soooooooooooooooo funnii! LETTERS! OMG DON'T SAY ANYTHING! YOU'RE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNII!

**HGbookreader: **I suggest you open one of those letters, good news in it. I still think you should cal NSPCC, and now you have cause to call the police. Stealing/opening others' mail is against the law. Oh, yes. I shall not leave.

**SUPER-FERET: **WOOP WOOP! Here I go agen in my own! Omg, loooooooooool, JAAAAAAARG, (swishfull) meow, PURRRRRRRRRRRRR, hi.

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **I'm going to forget that reply. I am sorry to hear about your letters. But you should try and open one. This may be the change you need. Remember Harry, Love is Pure.

**IchSpeileAmG****itarre: **guten tag. Ich habe eine bequemes Bett. JAGEN!

**REPLIES:**

To **BetterThanYou'llEverBe**: if you didn't want to get hit by the poxy stick, either get out of the way, or DON'T BE GAY AND TRY PACKING THE TV.

To **ZoCoLoCo:**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (well, she told me not to say anything)

To **HGbookreader:** HELLO? DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO? HOW CAN I OPEN THE LETTERS IF I THEY KEEP GETTING NICKED?! I already told you to make like a tree about your telephone crap!

To **SUPER-FERET:** you remember I said you was the sanest commentor? Erm, I take that back, (runs into sunset never looking back over shoulder)

To **Silver-Streaked-Saviour**: oh, hey paedo. Did you know you're my fayv paedo? Yup! And I CANT GET THE LETTERS TO ABLE TO OPEN THEM! Will you stop going on about love? It freaks me out! PAEDO!

To **IchSpeileAmGitarre:** you spelt SPIELE wrong in your name. hello to you too. I don't care. That's not a word. NARG!

**UPDATE: **just letting you know, I'M SPENDING THE NIGHT IN A WOODEN SHACK! NOT HAPPY!


	3. SCHOOLIO

**YIPPEE!!!!!!! 3 reviews, lol. Thx to all those people who read the story. Erm, I'm bored so I'll update…**

**MOOD: **Confused yet astounded.

**ENTRY: **Oh, sweet mother of Allah! I don't believe what has happened in the last 24.98633 hours. I'd better start from where I left off…

So, we was in that shack in the middle of the ocean and there was a storm outside. So naturally I was like, _great! I'm gonna have to be acquainted with the fishies by the morning._

So, we had some crisps and that, and then we went to bed. Well, petunia and Vernon went to bed. Dudley went to sofa. And I went to floor.

AND THEN, I REALISED SOMETHING! It was my BIRTHDAY the next day!!!!! OMG, what a lovely present. You know, my birthdays usually suck, but this year had exceptional suckiness. All my presents are usually crap but, you know, to not even have one…

I was watching the time using DUDDERS' digital watch, and just as it got to midnight, there was a massive BANG! on the door!

Now, I wasn't too happy about this little birthday surprise, but I was ok with some action. I stared at the door and just before it BANGED! again, Dudley the Dunce said something like "WHERE'S THE CANNON?!" I was just about to come up with a smart ass remark about his wits, but then Vernon and Petunia came down from the bedroom, ("OOOOOH, STILL AWAKE, EH VERN? GETTING UP TO SOMETHING WERE WE?!") and started saying something about being armed. Then I saw he was carrying this gay skinny lil rifle. OH YEAH, THAT'S REALLY GONNA HELP, INIT BLUD? BRAP BRAP. God, imagine that. somethin that sounds like a bulldozer outside the door, and he thinks that that stupid homosexual gun will help.

So, then, the door just comes crashing down, (little bit heavy handed with the knocking, eh?) and this MAHUSSIVE guy walks in like it's the most normal thing to do!

Now, this is the weird thing. This guy looks at me and ses I look just like my father but I have my mothers eyes. I HAVE THE EYES OF A WOMAN!? CHEEK! Oh, wait, that's not the weirdest thing, I think the weirdest bit was this guy saying I'm a wizard. Yeah, that's it.

At first, I thought this guy was off his nut, but he kind of persuaded me to believe him. OMG, I'VE BIN HOODWINKED! So this guy tells me about my parents, and I think I should tell u.

I've always thought that my parents died in a car crash. One reason for believing this is aunt petunia told me, the second reason is that I have this great ugly scar on my head in the shape of a Lightening bolt. That kind of backs up the story. But this guy tells me my mum and dad was killed by this evil wizard, called voldemort. (well, he wouldn't tell me the name straight up, so I nagged.)

Anyway, this bas- I mean wizard had tried to kill me, but he couldn't, and he broke himself and no one heard of him since. WOOP WOOP! I vanquished someone, I've always wanted to vanquish someone! Wow, that's a weird word. Keep saying it. Vanquish. Vanquish. Vanquish. Vanquish. Vanquish. You get the same problem with words like tray, spam, picture, and basically any word.

Anyway, this giant man (I should call him by his name, Hagrid) gave me one of the letters I'd been trying to STOP VERNON NICKING! And it was about a wizard school, Hogwarts. Sounded like a load of ole Hogwarts to me. LOL, I just realised something! A Hog is a sort of pig, and pigs have warts apparently LMAO! So, I'm goin to this school, and we went to a shopping street called like Diagon Alley to get my stuff.

OMG, guess what?! I actually have money! It just sat in my bank account for the past 11 years gathering dust and interest. I've never so much as had 50p before! But then I looked at the money, and I didn't get it. It was all weird. And there were no notes, just a load of heavy coins. Great! Not.

So I brought loads of gay stuff like these dress things, and a pot, and books that I'd never read in a million years. And then I got a wand from this old geezer who is definitely off his trolley. But, it turns out that my wand is brothers with Voldemort's wand. How do wands have babies?

So, now I'm back at the Dursley's with my stuff and my train ticket for platform 9 ¾, which doesn't actually exist. I suppose I should find a way around that on September 1st (when I start that school).

Oooooh, I just found out that I can make Dudley scream. I just look at him. Did you know, when dudders screams it sounds like a girly squeal? LMAO. I think I'm goin to have a lot of fun, WOOP WOOP!

Chow!

**COMMENTS****: **

BetterThanYou'llEverBe: it's not funny you know. Your freak of a friend gave me a pig's tail. I didn't deserve that one bit. Freak.

**ZoCoLoCo: **WIZAAAAAAAARD! LOL. Ha-ha! SWEET MOTHER OF ALLAH! HAHAHAHAHAHA! You come up with the funniest things. Try sticking to the truth though. Just because you are bored/boring don't mean you should make stuff up.

**HGbookreader: **I'm going to Hogwarts too! I can't wait to meet you!

**SUPER-FERET: **I'm also goin to Hogwarts Hogwarts hoggy warty Hogwarts. All my family went there.

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **I am the headmaster of Hogwarts, and I will be pleased to see you there, Harry Potter.

**IchSpieleAmGitarre: **I cba to write in German, my spellings always wrong anyhoo. I'm bored. Wuu2?

**REPLIES:**

To **BetterThanYou'llEverBe**: BOO! If you didn't want a pig tail, don't eat my birthday cake, FOOL!

To **ZoCoLoCo**: are you making fun me. I ain't a liar, NARG! You're the boring one. And your so immature (sticks out tongue)

To **HGbookreader**: really? I sure can.

To **SUPER-FERET**: you are slightly scaring me. Shut up are you going there. Btw I forgot to mention you spelt FERRET wrong. I hereby christen you UBER-FERRET. Oh yeah, check out the German.

To **Silver-Streaked-Saviour**: gd4u. HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY LAST NAME!? STALKER! PAEDO! STALKING PAEDO!

To **IchSpieleAmGitarre**: gd4u. gd4u. Typing out this reply.


	4. JAGEN

**OK! ****Before I forget, is anyone else not getting emails from wen they get reviews or need alerts? Oh never mind, I got them all come through now. You can thank the anonymous reviewer fur this. Only after a threat of spam hate e-mail did I suddenly remember I need to update. –SHOOTS EVIL GLARE- but I really have been soooooo tired because, even though our SATs are in 1 week and 3 days, we are gettin homework from everyone else! I'm sorry if this story/blog thing goes fast when you read it. I know when I read it it makes Harry seem a little hyper. He'll calm down next entry.**

**MOOD: **Meh

**ENTRY: **

Ok, I'm sorry it took me a week to get back to you guys! Loadsa stuff happened 2 me. OMG, so I FINALLY GOT ON THAT TRAIN! I didn't know WTF I had to go! Then I saw this MAHUSSIVE family talk bout muggles. Did I say muggles wer non-magic. I didn't? YOURE A LIAR! I JUST SED IT! XP. I'm bored. And hungry. Ooo, writing makes me hungry. NARG! CONCENTRATE! Ok, sorry. SO YOU SHOULD BE! I said I was sorry! And now I'm talking to myself, now everyone is gonna trust meeeee!

Anyway, this family spoke about muggles, so I followed them. They was all red-heads. So I went up and asked them about how to get to the train, just as I saw one of the kids just walk through the barrier, plain as day! Needless to say… WOW! I asked, and the mum said to walk through, so I did, obviously. Don't you just hate it wen people say ovviously instead of obviously. The same with exactly. They say ezzacly. RAWR! I'm bored. And hungry. Oh, we've bin thru this.

I went thru the BRICK WALL (how weird does that sound?) and on the other side there was a train. OBVIOUSLY! IT IS A TRAIN STATION! DUHHHHH! Anyway, the train was, wait for it, DUN DUN DUN! Red. And big.

I got on, got in a compartment, blah blah blahbedy blah. BLANKETY BLANK! Blank? BLANK-ET! I'm tired.

After the train started moving one of the red heads came into the compartment asking to sit with me. I said yes, but I was still trying to figure out why he had been going down the train with his stuff while it was moving. JEEZUZ! BLASPHEMY! SORRY! MY THROAT HURTS! OR SHOULD THAT BE MY CAPS LOCK FINGER HURTS!?

The guy's name was Ron. We spent the whole trip eatin frogs. LOL! U FOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHMWAHMWAH! –hem hem- I had CHOCOLATE frogs. We had other sweets but you know my concentration lev- hey a butterfly!

So yeh. In a nutcase. Train station. Wall. Redheads. Train. Red. Big. Compartment. Ron. I'm bored. And hungry. I should really do something about that. oh well.

We got to the train station FINALLY! And Hagrid was there. The we had to go to the castle by boat (OMG! We HAD to use a boat! I CAN'T EVEN SWIM! WHAT IF I'D FALLEN IN AND DROWNED?! NO SYMPATHY! The other years got to use carriages, but OH NO! WE HAD TO USE A BOAT!). then we went INto the castle. Into the entrance hall. Got scared half to death by a couple of ghosts (excuse the terrible pun). Got sorted. YEYAH! SORTED MAN! WICKED! INIT!?

Wen we were sorted, it was with a hat. (SOOOOOO ORIGINAL!) and It sang a song, and then we had to wear it and it told us either Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or Slytherin. Well, I didn't want to go in Slytherin. Because Draco Malfoy went there and APPARENTLY baaaaad wizards go there. Oh, didn't I tell you about Draco Malfoy? HE MA ENEMY! WOOP WOOP! I got loads of them. I think I should make them into collectors cards, wut you reckon?

Now I live in the tower with the other Gryffindors and whatnot. The rest of the week was sorta boring. We just had loads of weird lessons, mostly we had to write down notes and ingredients, but apparently magic ain't as easy as saying a few words. And my OTHER enemy, Prof. Snape, is the POTIONS MASTER! DUN DUN DUN! He said somethimg like the subtle art of potion making has no use for wand waving blah blah blah. I wasn't listening, I was just staring at the guy. OH YEAH! THE BOGEY MAN VISITED THE CAVERNS OF HIS NOSE THE NIGHT BEFORE! LOL!

What else? Oh yeah I'm on the Quidditch team, innit? It's a sport, u wouldn't get it! SMITE THE MUGGLES! LOOOOOOOL! Boy, am I GRRRREAT at flying! FROSTIES, THEY'RE MORE THAN GOOD! THEY'RE GRRRRRRRREAT!

Hmmmm, I just had a thought. You know wen you're on a water slide on those rubber rings. I would be afraid to go on them because of the lacking ability of motor action underneath liquid; aka, swimming. Well, those rides made me wonder… you're going down it, and then your rings slips out from unda you and you're like (slow mo) NOOOOOOOOOO, MYYYYYY RIIIIIIING!... I reckon there should be a ring station halfway down…

AND ANOTHER THING! I proved this with Ron the other day. Wen you either do something in slow motion or tell someone else to, they almost ALWAYS move there mouth wildy or have it wide open and say NOOOOOOOOO! But seriously, in a football match, wen someone kicks the ball you don't see their moth go round in a circle in a second, and they don't shout NO! really suddenly do they? Hold on. Did I say moth?! I meant mouth. (OBVIOUSLY)

Well, I'll repost again soon, but I can't garuntee with all the homework. So, ALOOOOOOHA!

(ma new name)

ENEMYMAKERMUHAHA2

**COMMENTS:**

**UBER-FERRET: **Harry! I'm Ron! IT'S ME! I CAN PROVE IT! HOLD ON! My mum tried cleaning a smudge off my nose at the station. And Fred and George gave me that stupid spell to turn scabbers yellow.

_Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow,_

_Turn this stupid fat rat yellow!_

Remember?! Huh? HUH?! SPEAK TO ME HARRY!

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **I'm glad to hear that your first week of school was enjoyable!

**ZoCoLoCo: **I see you're still on about that school. STOP LYING, FOOL!

**IchSpieleAmGitarre: **JAGEN JAGEN! I LUUUUUUUURVE YOU! MWAH!

**REPLIES:**

To **UBER-FERRET: **Oh, jagen! I know! Wicked!

To **Silver-Streaked-Saviour: ** hey, mister paedo! Now you're my favourite stalker as well as my fayv paedo! At least you stopped on about that LOVE IS PURE crap.

To** ZoCoLoCo: **I'M NOT LISTENING I'M NOT LISTENING NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! –stick out tongue and puts fingers in ears- JAGEN!

To **IchSpeileAmGitarre: **NO! NO! WHO ARE YOU!? AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

**TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH-TH- THAT'S ALL FOLKS! For now anyway. I may not update this for a couple weeks. But then again, I might do. I still need to update my other stories. Once all my stories have at least 6 chapters (except the oneshots) I'll be happy. I also have loads of homework to be done. And SATs, and reading, and just loads of revision. So, if you want more, read my story, Harry in Slytherin!**


	5. BEGIN

**Before we start, I'm sorry I took so long to update****. I'm gonna devote the next couple of weeks to this and my other Harry Potter story and HP/CH story until they all have 8 chapters. They have to be equal before I can rest. And can I just say to the readers of "Hmmm, Harry Potter in Slytherin?": the chapters will start to get longer and more details. I also think that the alerts aren't working again so make sure you've read chapter 7. If you're reading this and you like either What if..? stories or ones where Harry is in Slytherin (BUT NOT DARK) check that story out!**

**ON WITH THE BLOG!**

**MOOD: **ELATED! slightly

**ENTRY:**

Ok! So much has happened since my last entry. I don't even know where to begin! How about the beginning? That seems like a cool place to begin. Does the word begin sound weird to you? So, let's begin. ARGH!

I went to Hagrid's house and I brought Ron with me. We meant his dog, Fang. It was named rather ironically as it's probably the most kind natured dog I'll ever meet.

Anyhoo, while we were at Hagrid's place we saw a newspaper cutting. It was about a vault that had been robbed at Gringotts (ultra-super-magnificently-crazily-ultimately rare) and it happened the day I got my money from there. I read a bit more, and the vault had been emptied earlier that day. OMG! ME AND HAGRID EMPTIED ANOTHER VAULT THAT DAY! FREAKY DEAKY DUTCHMAN!

Hmmm, do I know any Dutchmen? Well, no, but if I did, I bet they'd be really freaky deaky.

Where was I? Hagrid. Dog. Bank robber. Gringotts. Empty. Dutchman. Oh yes, I remember!

So, about a week later, us lions were supposed to have flying lessons along with the snakes. You bet we were so dang happy about that, we threw a party! Not. So, we're being taught what to do and then the one and only NEVILLE (fellow lion, a bit of a drip at the moment if you ask me, which I'm sure you didn't) took off up into the sky… and fell straight off. The teacher told us not to moved while she took him to get his arm magically mended. (YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT IF I BREAK A BONE, I HAVE TO SUFFER THE PAIN AND THEN DON'T EVEN GET A CAST!? I MEAN, I KNOW THAY FIX IT BUT THE PRINCIPLE OF IT SUCKS!)

The teacher warned us not to try and fly but Draco stole Neville's rememberall and when I told him to give it back, he took off. Literally.

So, naturally, I followed him. No-one walks – or rather flies – away from this kid. The whole time I was in the air I was thinking "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" but I spose I looked more confident than I felt.

I remember threatening to knock him off his broom and he wimped out and chucked the thing in the air. It didn't go far. When it started coming down, I realised I really should try catching it. so I did. I dived and got it before it reached the ground. If you ask me… I WAS PRETTY DAMN GREAT!

AND GUESS WHAT! I'M ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM D

Oh, you don't know what that is. Well, NEITHER DO I!

Somethin really freaky happened aswell. Malfoy challenged me to a wizards duel in the trophy room and then didn't even turn up! He was trying to get me in trouble! Imagine that!? I'm getting tired of exclamation marks! Let's get rid of them! Ok! Are they gone? Yes? Oh not again? Can we get rid of these too? yes. Oh great. Oh, hold on, those are normal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ok, not _that _normal, but still.

Anyway, we ran from trouble into the 3rd floor corridor (baaaaaaaaaad place. Excuse me for sounding/looking like a sheep (AS IN THE TYPING!) it's forbidden. Now we know why!)

Now hermione's not talking to me or Ron (WELL IT WAS HER FAULT SHE TAGGED ALONG! I mean, Neville did too and he's not all het up!) but we don't care.

So this was a shortish blog, I had better go now. It's Halloween soon, and I can't wait. I wonder what this place will look like.

X

ENEMYMAKERMUHAHA2

**C****OMMENTS:**

**ZoCoLoCo: **you know, you're really boring me with all your rubbish about magic. When are gonna come out of your shell and face facts? MAGIC IS NOT REAL!

**HGbookreader: **honestly! I could've got killed! Don't you even care?

**UBER-FERRET: **OMG! That was soooooo funny. Scared the sugar outta me, but still, HILLARRIOS!

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour**you were out of bed at night!?

**REPLIES TO COMMENTS:**

To **ZoCoLoCo: **hmmm, let's see… **BLOCK ** dare I click? Yer, I think so. (clicks)

To **HGbookreader: **I don't think I should answer that directly. So I'll just say… hmmm, I won't answer that (evil grin)

To** UBER-FERRET: **yur telling me! Hold on. Why are you commenting me when we live in the same dormitory and why am I answering when you're like 3 metres away.

To **Silver-Streaked-Saviour: **OMG PERV ALERT! Why dyou wanna know about my bedroom habits? LMAO! Now you're my favourite stalking paedo pervert. OMG! MICHAEL JACKSON IN DA HOUSE!

**END OF BLOG! TO BE CONTINUED!**

**That's all I had time for at the moment. It's hard to do the comments and replies more than anything. I guess it wasn't as long as I promised. But I'll soon add funny little stories that aren't in the books. Please read and review and check out my other HP story (Slytherin) and read and review that! MWAH! I LOVE MY PUBLIC! Lol, I'm on the jokesville express. Aaaaaaaand… we've broken down. Aww, crap.**


	6. USED

**Now, I did say that I'd take a while. I may have to have a one blog for every few chapters in the book, that way it won't have loooooooooooooodes of chapters but we can still get the jist. I really want to get to the bits where people die so we can see what he **_**really**_** thinks. But for now, nobodies dead! 8D**

**Aaaaaaaaaand ON WITH THE BLOG!**

**MOOD:** gob-smacked 8-( )

**ENTRY:**

OMG! So much has totally happened recently. It's like midnight here and we've just had Halloween. I have to be quiet because there's this Irish kid called Seamus in my room too and he gets all grouchy when he doesn't sleep. He says that that's why he sets things on fire by accident, but I think it's just because he's slightly crap. At the moment. I mean, I know I can't levitate a feather, but at least I didn't set it alight!

Right, where shall I begin? OH NOT THIS AGAIN!

Ok, so Ron and me were thinking of ways to get back at Malfoy. Ron had just offered the idea of using a spell to make him skip round the castle and grounds completely naked and singing a nursery rhyme but I crushed that theory with the fact that it's probably illegal (to make people do stuff, not streak… although that might be too) and even if it wasn't then we'd still be expelled.

As I was explaining this, the post came and this MAHUSSIVELY long package came down in front of me. It was a NIMBUS 2000 BROOMSTICK (the flying one, not cleaning one) and that's the best there is. I wasn't allowed to open it at the table so we took up to my room. After a brief encounter with Malfoy which left him very confused, we dropped off the broom and went to lessons.

DAS IST SOOOOOOOOO LAAAAAANGWEILIG!

Translation:

THAT IS SOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOORING!

At the end of the day we un-wrapped the broom and I swear it's the dogs… food. Well, not really, it's actually a broomstick.

I also had my first Quidditch practise. Ok, it was a private one (oo-er!) but hey, it was a practise. Here are the rules for your benefit:

Quaffle equals ball to put through hoops by Chasers and trys to get stopped from going in hoops by keepers. Bludgers are 2 balls equal balls flying around to get players off broom and beaters protect own team for them using bats and try hitting the other team (not with the bats, they use the bats to hit the bludgers to the others team. Snitch equals tiny ball flying around and seekers try to catch it. Theres a points system but I tend to forget that sort of stuff.

Did you get that, if you didn't, who cares. You'll pick it up.

So… after that in started in the team practices and I was like "WOAH!" they could ly really well and the teamwork was just…

So, Halloween comes and it was obviously bound to be exciting because… well… just think about it. The smells going through the halls wer amazing and the decorations in the Great Hall… outstanding!

In Charms, the teacher told us we were ready to make things fly. I was paired with Seamus, Ron with Hermione (lol). I sat watching those two and… long story short… Ron couldn't do it and got angry coz Hermione was (blatantly) showing off. Outside of the lesson he insulted her and she heard and ran off.

Well… she shouldn't have been listening in anyway… she was the one who promised never to speak to us again.

The rest of the day past with no sign of Hermione, and she wasn't at the feast either…

THE FEAST! Oh, it rocked… until Quirrel (did I mention him? Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?) comes running in screaming about a troll in the dungeons. Everyone just starts screaming and I don't even know if they're good or bad (I kind of missed the hint of everyone screaming in terror). We were told to go back to our houses and we'd finish the feast there probably.

So, we remember that Hermione doesn't know about the troll yet. We go off to find her and instead we find the troll, so we lock it in the room it was in. Before hearing a scream, that is. We'd locked it in the girls bathroom with Hermione. Crap.

So we go in there and totally beat the troll up and rescue Hermione. Sort of. I jumped round its neck and Ron levitated its club and dropped it… which knocked it out. Oh, and I (accidentally) stuck my wand up its nose.

The teachers come around and find us. In the end our head of house takes five points from Hermione and gives 5 points each to me and Ron. So a grand total of 5 points for knocking out a troll. I FEEL SO USED!

Well, now we're friends with Hermione, and we can't copy our homework of her. Every cloud and all that.

Ciao!

ENEMYMAKERMUHAHA2

**Comments:**

**UBER-FERRET:** woo! I'm a heeeeeeero. A stupid heeeeeeeero.

**HGbookreader:** a cannot say thank you enough.

**Silver-Streaked-Saviour:** you didn't go back to your dormitory?!

**Replies:**

To **UBER-FERRET: **you got that right, ferret man.

To **HGbookreader:** you could try…

To **Silver-Streaked-Saviour:** ) hehehe… maybe?


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